The Perimenopausal Spring Woman

I don’t know what I ever did to spring for her to be such a bitch.  Warm one minute; freezing the next.  Her lack of decisiveness has really been adding to my bad mood of late.

It really comes down to the fact that I need the sunshine.  And I’m obviously not getting that out of spring.  The really tragic part is that she can be such a lovely person when she wants to be.  The flowers bloom, the birds tweet, but then she gets royally pissed off and decides that doom and gloom is more her thing. The skies open, the rain falls, the clouds turn everything dark and gray and my sunshine plans are ruined yet again.

What did I ever do to her, I sometimes wonder, for her to behave so manically?

But then I had a thought.

Isn’t she behaving just like a woman; one that’s probably perimenopausal actually and maybe that is what global warming has done to her.  Turned her once sunny disposition into something that is so unbelievably gloomy that all I want to do is lay in bed with the sheets pulled high up over the top of my head.  If it’s going to be dark outside in the middle of the day, might as well make it an indoor thing, I think.

Spring’s obnoxious behavior is impacting my everyday mood, my everyday routine, and I really have had enough of her bull shit.  When was she allowed to control my overall person? I have to ask myself.

As harsh as I’m being with her, I do understand where she is coming from.

She shows up and people quite literally lose their minds.  Months of cold, months of oversized clothing can do that to a person. The owl in Bambi was right when he described what happens during this season.  

“Your head spins, you feel light as a feather, and you completely lose your control,” he states to Bambi when he becomes confused as to Rabbit's unusual behavior.  It's called being twiterpated. Unfortunately, such foolish behavior has fallen on the soft shoulders of spring and she is forever reminding us that she is not happy about it.  She doesn’t like to be around people that are running in circles for no reason at all, blush when the opposite or same sex looks at them in a certain kind of way and then there's the giggling.  That dreadful, high pitched, annoying sound that is not quite a laugh, but something else altogether.  Something that feels like a singular fingernail running down the length of your back.

So, are we all that surprised that she has turned the sun into gray matter, the light into rain drops.  Maybe that will stop them? She probably mutters under her breath.  And it might, for a time at least, but I almost feel like it makes it all worse for that one sunny day, once appeared, and everyone’s behavior exceeds their normal annoyance tenfold.

Fortunately, summer is just around the corner.  My body craves the scorching heat like a cat to her scratching pad.  I need it to feel alive.  I want the sunglasses, the sweat making puddles down my back, the small dresses, my hair pulled up high off of the back of my neck and I want it now.  Spring can just go away for all I care and I suspect she will be very happy to do so and then I can regain some of my sunnier disposition amongst an iced beverage, or two, a book in my hand, and my feet nestled deep in the sand.