The Diva Dive: A Pole Dancing Revolution Into Finding My Feminity

I have grown used to trying new things over the course of this blog.  And if you have read up to this point you know how I have had my struggles.  Navigating solo in Mexico City being one; forcing myself to join a yoga studio in Playa del Carmen being two; continuing my self care journey throughout the summer in another country being three, and expanding my tattoo being yet another.  Parts of me have questioned the why in all of this.  Why am I doing the hard things when there's comfort around every corner? Why do I insist upon putting the awkward girl in situations that will only make her and the situation more awkward? It's possible that I like to feel accomplished, even if my accomplishments are not really a thing for some.

But does it ever get easier?

The short answer is yes it does.  You would think going to the thing would be the hardest part, but it’s not.  The hardest part is when you show up to said thing, make short clipped introductions if that is needed and then you wait while people around you share hugs, laughs, inside jokes and you find yourself grimacing out a smile or two.  Trying to pretend that you are in fact part of all that warmth, but you know that you aren't and you feel it and you’re pretty sure that they feel it too.  

I have gotten used to these feelings of mine and now instead of running back to the safety of my shell, I sit in it.  Allow my brain to do what it does best: ridicule me, tell me how I’m not good enough, no one wants to be my friend, etc.,etc.  The list of negatives can be quite lengthy, quite daunting.  But you know what?  I’m always surprised when I have finished the thing that I have most dreaded because I did something at the end of the day that my silly brain was trying to talk me out of.

This week's challenge was taking pole dancing classes.  Now reader, I am not a dancer, have never been a dancer.  I am not coordinated or balanced in any shape or form, but I love a good workout and the owner of this particular studio is a friend of mine.

“When are you going to take one of my classes?” She would often ask in her slight southern lilt that was unequivocally her own.

I would him and haw around it, knowing that I’m not going to be good at pole dancing.  I have enough trouble walking down the street without tripping or falling.

But  when she asked me again over a few glasses of wine, I found myself agreeing that, yes, I should take her classes.  I think I can do most things when I’m on my second glass of wine.

I showed up at her studio to take the 12:30 AM class on a random Saturday and I was nervous of course, but not as bad as I thought that I would be.

When I thought about this I realized there was probably two reasons why I wasn’t as nervous: One, I had taken an introductory pole class before Christmas and two, I knew the instructor of the class.  So, I wouldn’t have to stand awkwardly in the back and envy the friendships these women all had and want to ask them how can I be included in their club?

The cute little studio.

The Diva Dive doesn’t just offer pole dancing classes, but lyra, silks, ariel yoga, as well as pilates and ballet.  It has been open since 2013 and is the first pole and aerial fitness studio in the area.  Sally has been teaching such classes for over 20 years. She actually was a classically trained ballet dancer for over three decades and she most definitely looks the part. 

Fun fact: she joined the circus as a teen and I think that’s perhaps the coolest thing a person can do.

But, you can only imagine my trepidation and why I didn’t really think I would be a good fit for such classes.  I love Sally, but one look at her abs made me want to swear off fried foods and chocolate forever.  

I walked into the studio and was relieved that her smiling face was the first one that I saw.

And then another girl, Samantha, who she had introduced me to earlier, helped get my station set up.  This was a Pole Conditioning class for level 2-4 students and I am most definitely level two, although once the class began I wondered if I shouldn’t have repeated the level one class.

The first part started simple enough.  A few weighted arm exercises, push ups, nothing too extreme or outside my wheel house, but that was only the beginning.  She soon began to teach the class a variety of spins and I felt like the problem student; the one who is constantly not getting it.  How do I put my left ankle past my right one and then my hands to swing in the opposite direction of everything?  I think I asked her to repeat the sequence 45 times, or at least that's how it felt in my head.  I watched as she beautifully spun, doll-like, around the pole, arms outstretched, smile brightening her face into a glow.  She was constantly telling me to look at myself in the mirror for that would really help, but did I really want to look at the girl with the too long grayish cream short set (they were once white, but had an unfortunate non separating the clothes episode), lift her 5 foot 8 frame around a pole, with what I can only imagine was a face that had a tongue sticking out of it?  I think not.

“Did you have fun?” G asked when he picked me up a few hours later.

And I found myself saying that I did, because it was the truth. Unlike many fitness classes I have taken in my life the women at this studio went out of their way to welcome me. Many even encouraged me specifically to not give up; everyone’s first few times are the same they said.

I was also impressed with Sally’s teaching.  She definitely has a knack for making everyone feel comfortable, targeting the ones who need the extra help without making them feel bad about it.

I went back again to the Monday night class and have never been so sore in all of my life, but with Sally’s guidance was able to do a stunt that I never thought I would be able to do.  I realize that most of my thinking about how I look and feel, especially when I do something where a lot of my body is showing, takes place in my head.  Something that I have tried to overcome throughout my life, probably going back to as far as the first grade when I walked into the classroom and didn’t know anyone and felt the awkwardness wash over me like a too wet blanket, one in which I wanted to hide behind.  But what good would that really do at the end of the day?  Why be alive if all you want to do is hide from it?  

I will continue to persevere if you were wondering, something that I feel sometimes is my superpower, and I am going to include these pole classes into my weekly workout regiment from now on because I can use more woman empowerment, more times to feel sexier, more attune to my own body, the beauty in it, the strength for what it can do for me.  But even if I took the physical fitness part out of the equation (yes, my abs, legs, arms are still screaming at me) how it helped with my mental fitness as a woman who is constantly trying to feel better about herself is something that I feel all women can really benefit.