Is Ignorance Really That Blissful?

I dread going back to school after holiday break.  If you don’t already know I’m a high school librarian. I've been in education for 20 years now; I know I can't believe it too.  It’s a something that I should be more thrilled about, but at this point in my life I’ve allowed my cynicism towards education to take over my once rose colored glasses.  Actually, if I’m being completely honest the rose coloring stayed rosy for probably one point two minutes before they quickly clouded over to the reality of the situation.  I soon realized that being an educator is less about teaching and more about counseling, providing food services, clothing, school supplies, and of course what so often feels like the most underpaid baby sitting service.

But I digress…

The holiday break is a happy time for so many, but there are the students who dread such things because this is when they have to spend time with a family that doesn't provide much of anything for them. Then there are the stories that inevitably come my way, told from students who have no one else to talk to or who don’t understand that there are certain things that just should never be shared and that is sad, but it’s the reality of our world and the kids that have to grow up in it.

I currently have one student in particular who likes to frequent the library on a daily basis.  He smells badly most days, has the mental maturity of perhaps a four year old, overshares about his personal hygiene and life, so what happened next should have not been that surprising. He came up to the circulation desk and very matter of factly told me and my fellow librarians that his mother died over break.  We were all taken aback by such an announcement, but one look in his eyes only revealed a blankness that didn’t hold much hurt or pain.  He then proceeded to take out his phone, wanted to show us his mother on her last days in the hospital, and when she had already passed away.  When he asked if I wanted to see said pictures, my head was screaming at me to say no, of course not, who would actually want to see such a thing as that on the first day back from Mexico no less, and it wasn't even nine o'clock, but he needed to share, like so many do, and so I found myself nodding my head slightly up and down as he scrolled through each picture.

“She was an organ donor,” he said.

“That’s great,” we all replied, voices rising in pitch.

“But her organs were all dead.”

“Oh,” we gasped.

“It was the thought that counts,” my coworker replied, not really knowing what else to say.

A part of me wanted to chuckle as I looked at our individual  facial expressions.  Sympathy with a slight horror traced lines on our faces, which was in such contrast to his face. He was speaking like he was telling us about the weather or what he had eaten for lunch instead of a life changing moment in any person’s life.  I’ve been told the loss of a parent stays with you for always.  It may dim in pain at times, but it will never completely go away.

I began to really think about why he lacked the appropriate emotion for such a life changing event.  His inability to see the change to his future.  His complete ignorance that surrounded his situation and if that is actually better in the end?  If you do not realize your pain or are too ignorant to grasp it, could it actually be a good thing?  The sharpness of the world would probably not hurt quite so much.  Your feelings would be muted as you walk around being blissfully unaware of what life can do for you and what it can’t.

I was reminded of the short story, Flowers for Algernon.  When I taught eighth grade this story  was part of the curriculum.  It centers around the character Charlie.  Charlie has intellectual disabilities and is offered an opportunity of a lifetime. He undergoes an experimental surgery that will make him intelligent.  A mouse named Algernon also goes through the same procedure.  At first both subjects prove the surgery to be a successful one.  Charlie soon realizes that his friends, or the ones who he thought were his friends, were actually making fun of him the whole time.  He becomes quite isolated after that as his brain becomes smarter and smarter until his intelligence eventually begins to decline.  

Would Charlie have been better off, is the question I posed to my eighth graders, if he had never had that intelligence, the knowledge of how cruel the real world can be.  The world is terrible, there’s no denying it, but would it be better to not know all of that terribleness, to not feel it so deeply?  It’s a wonderful short story that was later expanded into a novel.  I would recommend the short story version if you are so inclined.

A part of me does think that ignorance can be blissful and some would say, people who really know me, that I choose to live my life blissfully.  Rarely turning to the news, but rather living a life with my head in a book, in my own writing, in reality television then anything of real substance.  I do believe that is better in a way because a life of true knowledge can potentially lead to a lot of negativity for what is understood.  

I wish I could fix the world, I really do, but I know that I can’t, not really.  There is just too much evilness out there and at times it seems so very overwhelming.  But what I can do is give the students of the world a reprieve by opening a space filled with books that can take them away from their life for a while, provide a listening ear as they tell me their stories, and hopefully this will be enough to live a life that I am proud of.