Finding Your Person is Like Picking Out an Amazing Handbag

Is it possible to find that one person, you know the one I mean. They will share your goals, your passions, your hobbies, eventually even your friends.  There are currently over eight billion people in the world and it seems to me that everyone is essentially searching for that just right person.  You would think it would be so easy, would be so simple, there are so many people to choose from. But that really isn't the case if statistics have told us anything.  In 2025, 40-42% of first year marriages and 60% of second and third year marriages ended in divorce.  However, thr really troubling part comes next, or at least I thought as much. The divorce rate actually doubles for those over 50, triples for those over 60.  Those numbers are somewhat strange to me. I mean I get the first marriage ending in divorce part.  You’re young, haven’t figured your own shit out, let alone those of another persons, it’s really to be expected, but shouldn’t it all be a learning experience in the end?  You should definitely recognize what you don’t want and what you do, especially the older you become so why is it that those in their 50s and 60s can’t figure it out?  Is it because too many are scrambling, too afraid to die alone, that any old sap will do?  I can’t imagine that being the case, but maybe it really is for some.  They just can’t find that person who shares their similar interests.  It seems so elementary, so easy in fact.  How hard is it really to find someone who enjoys wine, the theatre, and cats?  In that order.  (Ok, ok, I was talking about me here, but you fill in the blank with your own likes.) Or maybe these people have been married for so long they are finally sick of rehashing the same conversations, the same issues. It's like giving up on a marathon when you are only a mile away from the finish line.

I'm also forgetting a crucial part of the equation. That special someone also needs to be attractive, or at the very least you find them to be so.  And that, dear reader, may in fact be the problem.  People are blinded by good looks.  Personality can be lacking, special interests differentially clashing, but a full head of hair or fat wallet may make up for it in the end, or maybe at first. Why can’t we have both though? I wonder.  Is that so very hard?  The answer is yes, very much yes, yes, and yes.

This weekend my husband and I attended a wedding in Monterey, Mexico.  One of his cousins was getting married.  It was a big affair, like I knew that it would be, they always are in G’s family.  We of course dressed for the occasion.

I don’t know if all Mexican weddings are like this, but in his family I know what is inevitably going to happen at this point.  There’s always shared laughs, smiles galore and dancing, lots and lots of dancing and then tequila, maybe even more than the dancing. 

The night will end with singing through slurred words and arms embracing shoulders as forms sway.   It’s always a fun time and I look forward to attending every last one of them and there have been several, five to be exact, six if you include ours, and yes I counted to make sure.  And this post was actually going to be about Mexican weddings in general, how I have never attended a more fun party, never seen people drink so much in all of my life, with nare a fight to be had, but that’s not what this is.  That sometimes happens when I write, my intentionality flys away like a very windy day and words begin to form themselves onto my page without much consent from me and that’s really ok.  I almost prefer it that way to be honest.

What inspired me to write this did involve the wedding that we attended, however,  but it was not how I originally thought that it would create itself into being. I was struck by the bride and groom, how unapologetic they were in expressing what they enjoyed and the fact that they found their person to share each of their enjoyments, however eccentric they maybe, it is what they like and what probably brought them together in the first place and hopefully will make them stay together when looks fade, attractiveness wanes, and what you have left is those shared passions.

At the end of the day I really do enjoy being by myself and I'm sure that there are a plethora of others who feel the same way, and there was a time when I thought that I was ok with a solitary existence.  I even had a college professor tell me once that he saw me escaping to a cottage somewhere in the moors of England, and I didn't know how I felt about it then, but it does seem lovely today. But I will admit to you now that it’s nice to have a partner, one in which shares those little things that make me so very happy.  It doesn’t have to be every single hobby or passion, but the major ones should be in there somewhere.  For me it's traveling, musicals, plays, live music or anything that is live really and I did find that in G.  We go traipsing around the world in search of things that we can do and see, but then we also like our time laying in bed and watching really bad reality television.  Essentially rotting for a few hours or even a day if that is what’s called for.  I’m not saying everyone has to be married or even be coupled up to be happy, you may have a friend or even a parent or child that is your person.  The one that wants to share portions of their life with you so that this world is a more bearable place. I hope everyone has the opportunity to find that one special human to share a life because I do believe it can cause real joy. You can't rely on others to provide you with your happy of course, but they should accentuate it like a vintage handbag or cool piece of jewelry, something that makes an already amazing outfit that much better.